If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
