there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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