I didn't shave. On purpose
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
