I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
