Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
