I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
