how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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