i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
