if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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