I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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