shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
