My friends, they love my intelligence
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
