When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
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Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
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Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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