My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
