I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
