Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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