I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
