Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
