dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.