your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
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My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?