i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"