It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
