I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
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Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
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We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.