it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Worst way to find out I have a half sister