Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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