it's too hot outside to masturbate.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
