I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
