Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
