So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
