Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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