She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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