please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
