does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
