I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
time to smoke my breakfast
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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