I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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