i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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