I seem to have left my pride at pride
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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