he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
