i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
