I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
