i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
