The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Green mimosas i think yes
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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