i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he thought i was a dude.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
