I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
