I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
