you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
