Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
