it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
