if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
