she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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