i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
sarcasm needs its own font
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
