Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
