im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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