There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
did i just pee glitter
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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