Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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