that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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