Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I love having hate sex.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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