Yo dont text me then not text me
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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