I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
