my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
