He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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