Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
