Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
