he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
